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Tesco launches alcohol free wine without a hint of irony

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tesco-non-alcoholic-wine1With the usual hyperbolic fanfare, ailing British supermarket chain Tesco has just released a couple of alcohol free sparkling wines.

For £2.75 you can get yourself a sparkling Chenin Blanc or a ‘Pinotage Blush’ dressed up in a faux champagne stylee. Tesco likens the appearance and flavour to Prosecco, with the product developer behind this abomination stating:

As well as tasting light and refreshing, the products are intended to look and taste like wine, without the ABV that comes with wine. We hope these products appeal to adults who do not drink alcohol – due to religious reasons, are pregnant, designated driver or those who are limiting their alcohol intake due to a lifestyle choice.’

OMG, where to start on this latest assault on vinous decency?

Well let’s start with the fact that sparkling grape juice is not wine. It’s sparkling grape juice. That doesn’t make it bad it just makes it what it is. By any known definition to man, wine has to contain alcohol. Here are some random dictionary definitions of wine from the interwebs:

an alcoholic drink made from fermented grape juice.

an ​alcoholic ​drink that is usually made from ​grapes, but can also be made from other ​fruits or ​flowers. It is made by ​fermenting the ​fruit with ​water and ​sugar:

A beverage made of the fermented juice of any of various kinds of grapes, usually containing from 10 to 15 percent alcohol by volume.

Secondly, the attitude towards their declared target market is offensively juvenile.  If you don’t drink alcohol for religious reasons then why on earth do you want to be pretending to drink alcohol? Are Tesco saying that religious conviction isn’t real? I’ve also yet to meet a pregnant woman who feels so strongly about denying herself alcohol during pregnancy that she has to hide behind non-alcoholic drinks dressed up as the real deal.

Imagine life as a product developer at Tesco. These poor souls are being tasked to scrape the wine barrel of taste and integrity.

The wine buyer reckons these products have a ‘wow’ factor.  If he means ‘Wow. We actually went through with this idea’ then who can disagree?

The post Tesco launches alcohol free wine without a hint of irony appeared first on Wine Of The Week.


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